Need help editing and proofreading this intro paragraph?

Your thesis statement should come at the end of the introductory paragraph. You have a good beginning but you ended prematurely. I would add one more sentence (or expand the last sentence)that explains WHY ultra-nationalism shoulod be avoided. So, maybe something like ....should be avoided because________________. Think about WHAT is the ONE THING you are going to argue? Also, don't use the word essentially in your second sentence. It weakens your statement.